Thoughts on Marriage

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Ok, so my name is Kelli & I am a closet viewer of “Little People Big World“.  There, I feel a bit better.  Last night I was watching & I got super sad. The parents in the show are getting to that point in life when their kids are nearly grown & they are faced with what life will be like when they are out of the house.  Both openly talked about how they just want different things & they seemed totally fine with the possibility of parting ways.  They even joked around about it multiple times!  It was shocking.

It got me to thinking about how often that happens.  The focus of the kids is gone & now they are free to do what they want…and it doesn’t match your spouse ideas so you part ways.   It kinda scared me.  How easy is it for your husband to no longer be your best friend?  Apparently it’s pretty easy because it happens a lot, you don’t necessarily have to hate each other for your marriage to not work.

Joe & I don’t always agree, we occasionally get frustrated at each other & we don’t always enjoy doing the same type of activities.  I never in a million years imagined marrying a musician who travels 3+ weekends  month. But I see how happy it makes him…and therefore it makes me happy.  Is it always easy?  No.  Do I always smile when I look at his schedule?  No.  But still totally worth it.  I’m sure that there are things that I do that he hates doing, but he still does it for me.

But I like to think that we make each other and our marriage a priority.  It is becoming more and more apparent that the older the kids get, the more work it takes.  Life is busy & I never want to just coexist.  Our marriage is more valuable than that.

Now that I have typed this all out, I’m not really sure what the point was…but it was something I was thinking about so I thought I’d share.

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8 Responses to “Thoughts on Marriage”

  1. Val Sprague Says:

    I totally agree with you. Now that we are through the baby-phase with our children and they have started getting involved in activities outside the home and invited to spend time with friends, we relish in the time we have alone together. It’s so much fun to be married to your best friend! We don’t have exactly the same hobbies, and we do enjoy spending time away from each other, but at the end of the day we’re always happy to be home together. It makes all the difference in the world!

  2. Ron Says:

    your dad should not comment here. but honestly, who better to comment here? with all 3 of you out of the house there is definitely a “mellow” feeling with your mom and I. being in a different house throws in an interesting twist. but, as long as you see your kids “soaring” as we do, it is certainly a mellowness instead of a sadness. there’s a “mission accomplished” feel. and as for a marriage, in our case it seems to have driven us closer together, not further apart. But we prepared for this day early by paying a thousand baby sitters to fill in for us while we stole time together. we sometimes miss the noise and activity of having kids (especially as you guys became teenagers.) that was fun to us but then we both have built lives and careers around kids. we have talked about foster parenting or even … sit down for this … adopting a needy child or two. then we realized we enjoy the ability to be together and go/do anything we want. Within reason, of course. We would not do additional kids the same justice that we hope we did for you and your brothers.

    Your thoughts are valid a thousand times over. And what you do with your marriage today will determine how you will survive … or thrive … when it’s back down to “just two” again.

    I suggest you go to New York, forget about life back here for a few days, and even make the vibrancy of the city a distant second place to reveling in each other.

    Your dad loves you roughly as much as you love Elle and Paisley. And he will shut-up now. 😉

  3. Nicole Says:

    I catch LPBW on occasion, though my TLC watching has really taken a nosedive over the last few months and I forget about that show!

    But, I love this post. It’s so important to remember that we’re married first and parents second, even though so much of the day-to-day care right now has to go to the kids.

    Loved your dad’s comment!

  4. Robin Says:

    Awww, you dad is so right. Save this and remind me of it when I freak because all my kids have left..

    I caught the rerun of this last night. It made me very sick to my stomach. She seemed so bitter. Like she’s holding something back.

  5. Jeff your Uncle Says:

    I am not a great husband, I am not a great father. Jeffrey your cousin is at that point where he will soon leave. I could not imagine a day without Jeanne. Everything your Dad said is right, but I would add: If your focus is on something other that God you will be screwed up somehow. As long as you share this common focus(God) you should be fine. You will find that you will find the ways to be and to be together. Because most everything else in this world is not as valuable as the love you share.

    You will be fine. Here are some tips for a married life:
    1. Love each other.
    2. Enjoy each other.
    3. Give your uncle Jeff money so he doesn’t have to work so hard.

    Ok number 3 is just a idea…

  6. Brad Says:

    OK . . . even though I’ve never met him, I’ve been a hidden fan of your dad and the wonderfully entertaining (and often) appropriately slanted views that he has on many subjects on which you post. After his comment here, though, I just have to say (right out in front of everybody) ‘Well done, Ron – very well done!’.

  7. tiffanynevil Says:

    Oh I love LPBW! I’m so sad to hear that about them too. Seems like everyone who gets offered a tv contract for a reality series about their family should turn the other way and run if they want their family and marriage to survive!

    Kel, I agree with you too, especially since I’ve seen this in my own family. It’s really sad to see parents and grandparents just co-existing. It has been really rough for me not to have Jeremy here in my day-to-day life these past few months. I miss just bouncing my crazy mind off of him. I miss how he balances me out. He brings fun to everything he does and reminds me that I need to be willing to let go and have fun-and I REALLY miss that (as does Cooper I think).

    I think it all starts with dreaming together about what you’ll do when the kids are gone. You have to talk about it and think like lovers! Not like a mom that has puke all over her shirt and a dad who is dog tired from a long day at work. 😀 One of mine and Jeremy’s favorite things to do is to talk and dream about what we’ll do when the kiddos are gone. I think that helps us keep things in perspective with each other and I think it helps the kids to know that our love is secure. Great post lady.

  8. Erika Kleine Says:

    Wonderful post Kelli. My mind and heart are racing with thoughts. It’s so easy to get caught up in being Sydney’s Mommy that I sometimes lose sight of being Joe’s Wife. Thanks for the reminder. You delivered Gods message beautifully.

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